About
Ever get the feeling that you're doing life wrong? Or think "Why can't I just be normal?" If you just thought somewhere along the lines of "Well, duh, everyone feels like that sometimes," then I'm sorry to break it to you, but you're part of the problem already. Keep reading though, there's hope coming up.
For those of us who read that first bit and think "Only when I'm awake, which is almost always because I can't sleep." Yeah, you. I see you.
Ever been told "Nobody cares about anyone but themselves!" and immediately know that it wasn't true? Yeah, me too, and that's the whole point. I care. Every time I got it wrong and hurt someone, I felt bad — I just wanted to help.
I spent 40 years trying to figure out why I was broken and how to fix it. That was pretty much a full-time job on top of everything else. I got diagnosed with ADHD at 40, which didn't fix anything — it just finally stopped the blaming. The diagnosis finally gave me a way to understand why I kept getting things very right, or extremely, catastrophically wrong. That (and proper medication) helped me stop blaming myself long enough to start actually fixing myself.
I wanted a way to help people, make an honest living, and finally admit my flaws and failures without them being the end of the story. Maybe even see a future that isn't just me reacting to the next crisis.
NOFNWAY is that for me. No boss to perform for, no customers to mask for — just building things that work for people who need them, without being "too much" for a change.
I release the tools for free because I know how little it takes to stop me from doing something, no matter how good for me it might be. The thought that something I've made could help someone, but they might not reach it because of a paywall or sign-up form, is unacceptable to me.
Besides, the tools are not that special. There are other versions of similar tools all over the internet, and people making more every day. But my site has the right collection of tools for the way I function. If anybody out there has similar problems interfacing with the world as it is, maybe my site can be the thing that helps them get something done. We've all got to start somewhere.
I know that releasing things for free is not a great way to make money, and we all need that. But asking for tips would support a practice based on social constructs that I can't understand. Charging people for help when they really need it would support the idea that to get help, you must first be "worthy" of it.
Since doing things "the right way" has never felt right to me, I'm doing it differently. I'm going to try making the world I want to live in, because even if I fail, I'll know I tried to do good. There are worse lives to lead than that.